Legendary Things happen when dogs use ChatRoulette
Spot the Difference: Which is which? Tulsa’s own long time resident and Poster Cat for HiDavid ® inc. cat David preparing for battle with major multi-media conglomerate Sanrio and Affiliates, who are expected to return lawsuits in excess of 60 million dollars.
Tulsa—- Accusations swirl as the trial date in lengthy litigation battle between one Oklahoma feline and multi-billion dollar Japanese based company Sanrio draws near.
Says a source close to the cat “He’s been dressing this way for years”
These days, Mike Browning and his Cat, David can hardly walk down the street without being recognized, only not for what they’d like. Life for Browning and pet David changed forever in 1974 when Sanrio released their now iconic “hello Kitty” line of products. David and Browning skyrocketed to local celebrity in a matter of days after being recognized at a local farmers market as the Japanese kitty, a staple of the Kawaii segment of japans popular culture, but after all these years Browning has felt none of the joy that often comes with such notoriety.
As popularity for Japanese Brand Hello Kitty reaches a fever pitch, Cat David can’t help but see red, whether or not that is a symptom of the feline Hodgkin’s Lymphoma is up for debate.
Instead Browning and David call foul play. David first donned the now iconic pink bow, blue denim jumper and striped three quarter length sleeve shirt in 1972, two years before Hello Kitty was launched by Yuko Shimizu., and the rest, they say, is painful history. “He was two when I got him his first bow and bonnet and matching overalls” says Browning, “next came the hot pink bow and mascara”.
Today, the Hello Kitty trademark has spread globally, plastering the thinly veiled likeness of David’s image on everything from toaster ovens to bikinis. And though it is targeted almost exclusively at a pre-adolescent female market, Browning admits it causes him undue grief and pain on a daily basis. Browning explains that each time David is recognized as Hello Kitty, it reopens a wound that has been festering since September 1974, this month marks thirty seven years of a deep resentment towards the lucrative Japanese brand.
“He was two when I got him his first Pink Bow and Bonnet”
In 1972, after donning the fateful outfit that would later lead to so much pain, David and Browning enjoyed short lived local celebrity, before, as Browning puts it “Japan came to steal it all away”. Mall tours and a book signing were soon to follow once David was discovered in a Bartlesville area Sears Electronics by Local Animal Talent Agent and Representative Husband and Wife Duo Fred and Martha Remington. “I was buying a food processor and they recognized his appeal to children immediately” Browning states, “David was signed later that day and they made him a local celebrity” Fred and Martha Remington have since both died and were not available for comment.
With his hot pink bow firmly in place, David and Mike Browning set out to make history, to create an empire around David and his adorable, unique clothes, a marketable and lucrative product line spanning from toys to fashion that would include dolls, bikinis, and yes, toaster ovens, their enthusiasm, however, was short lived. Two years after its founding, HiDavid ® inc. enterprises was rapidly eclipsed and eventually absorbed by the high demand for Mr. Shizumi’s strikingly familiar feline, Hello Kitty. Says Browning “I thought we were filling a niche”
Despite HiDavid inc. filing for bankruptcy in 1975 and David’s 25 year struggle with feline Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, It is undeniable that David enjoyed more than his taste of Feline Fame throughout 1972 to early September 1974, what were once quiet streets in a Tulsa suburb were now crowded with children wanting a hug or a “Kitty Kiss” ® (Trademark 1972 HiDavid ® inc.) immediate inspection of Tulsa’s Library of Public Records reveal numerous newspaper clippings and local news spots on the adorable feline. David, now weathered with age, sickness, and years of humiliation looks back on those two years as the best of his life.
Browning, holding David to his bosom explains with a tear in his eye that David, who at 41 years of age makes him among the three oldest cats in the world, would just like to live long enough to feel vindicated, to finally live his own life after all these years free of the shadow and burden of a “Standard that no cat can hope to live up to”.
This case calls into question issues of animal ethics, intellectual property, and the likeness of one poor cat, who, as one unnamed Tulsa area neighbor said “Didn’t ask for any of this”.
While several major pundits are quick to write off the potential success of Mike and David’s ever looming courtroom standoff with Sanrio, its owner Shintaro Tsuji, parent companies and affiliates (assets exceeding 150 billion USD total), David has been busy assembling an A List team of Lawyers, “Representation of the Prosecution is building a considerable case against the Brand” says a source close to David.
As David’s health rapidly deteriorates and Tulsa local news beginning not to care, the rest of the world awaits the results for what is sure to be a landmark trial
By Zac Coffey for Pet Planet News Of The World
PET PLANET TV Presents: CATastrophe! Alcoholism is running rampant in the feline community, all time highs in 2011 believed to peak due to and as a response to a major recession in the Cat economy.
Pictured above from left to right: Bobby-Lynne Fuentes (14) suffers from feelings of social and personal inadequacy that have “spilled over into his life” causing an undue and premature despondence and listlessness in “a general sense”. Mr Bojangles (6) A Corgi/Terrier mix may be to blame.
BETHESDA—- An anonymous tip out of Bethesda this morning: not two days after the academic year began at Chevy Chase Middle School and already for one student, the pressure is mounting to an almost unbearable height.
Bobby-Lynne Fuentes, a 14 year old honors student in Mrs. Nicholas’ eight grade class has displayed “a change” in demeanor, quoth Nicholas, noting that “He plays with the other students at recess even less than he did before”. Walking the halls with Bobby Fuentes is no easy feat, we hold our heads high as we endure calls of “Loser” “Fatso” and “Just drop out of school already and Mr. Bojangles can come in your place no one will care or probably even notice you’re missing” indeed calling to mind the middle school experience we, more popular in childhood, were thankful to never have.
Fuentes, socially awkward and unpopular for as long “as anyone can remember”, explains that acceptance from peers has declined steadily since his dog, Mr. Bojangles, created a facebook account less than one month ago.
Our research indicates that the Popular Pooch has 27-34% more friends than his moderately overweight owner depending on the date and the number of people that have “blocked” and “unfriended” Fuentes, a number seemingly increasing by the hour.
Rachel Fitzpatrick– Popular despite her name and from The Ninth Grade, calls Fuentes “Heinous”
It is this very sheer and unmistakable juxtaposition in friend numbers that has already prompted Fuentes to deactivate his account on popular micro-blogging site Twitter, where his adorable Corgi/Terrier mix has quite literally thousands of followers - a sharp contrast to the five followers previously held by the middle schooler, which he suspected were automated spam accounts anyway.
Fuentes admitted he is considering joining the 45% of teen internet users rapidly losing interest in facebook and the 9% who’ve deleted their accounts within the last two months, a nine percent who, we suspect, are socially awkward, short for their age, and smelly as well.
Carol Fuentes, 23, whose first name and age have been altered for privacy purposes, admits to running the Dogs facebook page out of her three bedroom Bethesda Area home that she shares with her son Bobby and her husband, Fuentes. When asked to comment on the canine’s remarkable number of online contacts, she attributes most of the success to “The lobster costume” and “Retweeting Nancy Grace”, controversial and opinionated former prosecutor turned television host and closet dance enthusiast.
45% of teen internet users are rapidly losing interest in facebook
But even Carol can see the change in her son, who has spent every night this week at home alone and refuses to ride the bus to school. “No one talks to me anymore. Not on facebook. Not at school. I hate it” Fuentes even mentioned he has on more than one occasion overheard fellow, more popular, students talking about his dogs various online posts in favor of other things that middle schoolers like to talk about, including Lisa Frank Binders, The Twilight Saga, Apples To Apples, and The Royal Wedding.
Fuentes, who has “become somewhat of a social pariah” explained to Pet Planet he feels that the latter portion of his hyphenated first name – “Lynne”, what he describes as a traditionally “Girls Name” has long been the subject of relentless chuckles and hateful teasing from fellow students, while we cannot dispute this may be a contributing factor to Fuentes’ anti-popularity, we believe it is more likely his unique and potent combination of body odor, bad breath, and “Heinous” clothes that are to blame (Quote: Rachel from ninth grade – Mr. Rodger’s homeroom).
“Loser” Fatso” “Social Pariah” “Lynne” “Girly-Name”
“My son Bobby-Lynne” said Carol, “Overreacts” and we cannot doubt that the child has a penchant for the dramatic; he is quick to blame his overly effeminate name, his dog, and his mother for his social complete and total lack of friends both on and offline, but overlooks what is quite obvious to everyone else: he just isn’t that cool. Carol defends the Girl-Name Theory, stating “I mean, my husband is named Fuentes Fuentes and he’s done alright for himself”
Mr. Bojangles tweets and status updates continue to elicit “awwws” and numerous friend requests each day, surely due in no small part to his posting witty and precocious statuses in favor of “boring” and “totally stupid” ones like Bobby-Lynne Fuentes’ seventeen remaining facebook friends must look at every day. And this is no new problem for the awkward preteens of the world – recently released polls (below) indicate that as many as 5% of teenagers delete their facebook accounts as a direct result of their dogs joining, which, by no coincidence are run by their very own mothers more than nine times out of ten.
So for now, Bobby-Lynne Fuentes can take comfort that he is not the only smelly, awkward, child fallen to what is being dubbed “The Bojangles Effect”.
Bojangles returned no comment by time of press.
New Nationwide Poll reveals that as many as 5% of teen facebook deletions are the result of something at least vaguely dog related.
By Zac Coffey for Pet Planet News Of The World